I had my first son in February 2017 and my second son in February of this year. As a new parent, you never truly expect how hard and exhausting it will be to raise a child. But giving birth after years of consulting exposed me to something else I didn’t expect: How much harder it is for mothers to find work in the consulting industry.
In the decade before I had children, I defined myself primarily as a health IT expert. While my family and friendships were important to me, what drove me most of all was work. I worked nights and weekends and holidays even when it wasn’t expected. My husband would ask, “Do you want to go out tonight?” and frequently, my answer would be, “No – I have to work.”
This might sound miserable to some people, but I thrived on it. I loved pushing myself to be the most competent in the system and the most helpful to my team and clients. The sacrifices involved came easily to me, and I built my identity around being great at my job.
When I started thinking about having children, I knew that many women struggled to balance work and motherhood. I had heard many friends say, “You have to choose because you can never truly have both.” But because I was so dedicated to my work, I believed myself to be the exception. I could clearly envision a life where I would continue to be highly sought-after at work while making a great life for my children.
What I didn’t expect was how some consulting companies would react to my pregnancy. I was looking for consulting gigs while six months pregnant, and often, when I mentioned my pregnancy, the recruiter on the end of the line would fall silent. They would walk robotically through the rest of the interview, promising to keep in touch. I would never hear from them again.
I was devastated. My dream of achieving balance between my work and my home life suddenly seemed impossible to realize.
It felt like no one was willing to help me look for a contract that would allow remote work and flexibility. And yet I couldn’t give the consulting companies what they wanted, even as I longed to compromise. At the end of the day, a consulting gig that required me to be on-site every single week was not going to be possible. My relationship with my children had to come first.
After months of struggling through pity interviews, I had my first phone call with my practice manager at Nordic. I was eight months pregnant, and at first I was scared to tell her. I was sure that once she knew I was pregnant, I would be pushed down the list and never contacted again.
Instead, she said, “That’s fantastic! How many weeks do you think you’ll be out, so I can start planning?” I told her I would be out for just a short stint, and she said, “Are you sure? You need to be doing what’s best for you, and we can work with this.”
It was so nice to talk to somebody who clearly didn’t just see me as a paycheck. She cared about me as a person. As we explored contracts together, she made sure to bring up my name whenever a remote contract came up. We eventually secured a 100 percent remote contract, which I work on from my home office. She even sent me a Nordic onesie for my son (pictured), which went the extra mile in showing her support.
I’m still the ambitious, driven consultant I always was – but now I can take time over lunch to feed my sons and use my breaks to spend time with them. I love my work, but I know now that there are more important things than working around the clock. And I will never again work with a consulting company that doesn’t understand how to support working mothers.
I know there are many young women in health IT consulting thinking about having children and wondering how they will balance motherhood with their work.
My advice would be: You will find something that works for you, but you will find it faster if you look for companies and people who advocate for you. Not every company will do this, but the ones that do are priceless.
